WEED: I already have extreme paranoia.
COCAINE: I already get nosebleeds.
HALLUCINOGENS: I already mix up dreams and reality.
MDMA: I already stay up all night dancing.
CAFFEINE: ok so I had coffee one time and I cleaned my whole house and had to keep doing aerobics because I thought if I stopped my heart would explode, then I slept for 5 hours so yeah, never again.
CIGARETTES: I don’t have enough hands to eat gummy candy and check twitter AND hold a cigarette.
ALCOHOL: this section intentionally left blank.
1. He shows up to dinner late and disheveled.
2. He disappears at the sound of police sirens.
3. You’re pretty sure his lenses have no prescription.
4. His excuses for missing important life events make literally no sense at all.
5. You’ve narrowly escaped death way more times than any of your friends.
6. He’s a little bit TOO good looking.
7. He never tells you where he’s going but asks that you blindly trust him.
8. His immediate family died in a tragic accident.
9. His last girlfriend died in a tragic accident.
10. He tells you he’s a superhero.