COOPER SAYS “WHY DID YOU STOP WALKING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK??”
“FOR REAL. I’M HOT AND HUNGRY. STOP TAKING PICTURES. I WANT TO GO HOME.”
“HUH? YES OF COURSE I KNOW I’M ADORABLE.”
I went to the public pool in Central Park. Usually it’s not very crowded, but when the heat index is well over 100°F, all of northern Manhattan descends upon the secret watering hole tucked inside the northeast corner of the park. Here are some things that happened:
- while waiting for my sunscreen to dry, a kid spraying water out his mouth missed his friend and got it all over my face and book
- I exited the pool to find a piece of someone’s weave stuck to my stomach
- the entire pool was cleared out because someone pooped
- I got back into the pool after the poop situation cleared up
Chris Rock gave my outfit a nod of approval and was like “yeah!”
I have a very small closet. My room basically looks like a rainbow tried to rob me, threw up everywhere, then exploded.
While waiting for the L train this morning a 20-something gentleman with a green mohawk and ample neck tattoos approached me. He looked quite comfortable, what with the one leg he used to help pull his wheelchair forward and his extremely reclined position in the chair. “Hey,” he said. “Hello,” I replied. “I really dig your outfit, you look great,” he told me. I thanked him. “You’re a real New York broad, you wanna be my girlfriend?” … “I have a boyfriend, but thank you,” I lied. He turned and roll-walked away. I continued reading the 2nd book in the Hunger Games series. I glanced up to see he had already found another New York Broad to begirlfriend, guess I’m not so special after all.