Like freshly cut roses and a cute stuffed bear
You’re prickly, cold and unaware
Blood is red
Dead bodies are blue
You’ll be mine
Until I end you
Yes, Mom, I’m still single, and don’t have a baby yet;
But if I get knocked up I promise you can raise it!
My love for you is truly sublime
Like a zombie mob at feeding time
Let’s reaffirm our vows my love, in fact;
Let’s also add a suicide pact!
You don’t say I love you
But you’ll always be mine
We’re perfect together
You hot pizza pie
BE MINE. like it’s not an option it’s going to happen no matter what you do so how about don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be OK?
I’ll buy some sexy lingerie for sure
To show off to my open fridge door
Will you be my bumblebee valentine?
Sting me, fly away and die?
1. Give $$$ to charity. (but like a real one so not Kony I don’t think?)
2. Try your hand at logging into healthcare.gov without getting an error message. HINT: your hand will be bad.
3. Test out pepper spray on yourself.
4. Successfully explain the benefits of consumerism to a 5 year old.
5. Climb into an air duct at Sears and try to have your very own Neverending Story.
6. Stand in front of TV wall at Best Buy and hold your breath until you pass out.
7. Strip naked and dive into cacti.
8. Maybe today is a good day to begin building up that cyanide tolerance you’ve always talked about?
9. Memorize Pi to 100 digits KIDDING eat a whole pie in one sitting (TIP: it can be pizza if U want)
10. Facebook message every person you’ve ever had a crush on.