Posts tagged "valentines day"

FREE VALENTINE POETRY

Like freshly cut roses and a cute stuffed bear
You’re prickly, cold and unaware

Blood is red
Dead bodies are blue
You’ll be mine
Until I end you

Yes, Mom, I’m still single, and don’t have a baby yet;
But if I get knocked up I promise you can raise it!

My love for you is truly sublime
Like a zombie mob at feeding time

Let’s reaffirm our vows my love, in fact;
Let’s also add a suicide pact!

You don’t say I love you
But you’ll always be mine
We’re perfect together
You hot pizza pie

BE MINE. like it’s not an option it’s going to happen no matter what you do so how about don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be OK?

I’ll buy some sexy lingerie for sure
To show off to my open fridge door

Will you be my bumblebee valentine?
Sting me, fly away and die?


MY BUTT WISHES YOU ALL A HAPPY VALENTIMES DAY


LAST MINUTE VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT IDEAS

  • IF YOU’RE UNEMPLOYED: Swiffer the apartment for your spouse. Take the ball of hair-dust from the Swiffer, tape it to a swatch of corduroy and add googly eyes. Presto! Adorable stuffed animal.
  • IF YOU LIVE NEAR CHINATOWN: Buy a knock-off designer handbag. Fill with cell phone cases and incense. Garnish with fake Ray-Ban sunglasses.
  • IF YOU’RE DATING AN ACTOR/MODEL: A mirror.
  • IF YOU JUST GOT DUMPED. Hand deliver a pile of trash in an old pizza box. Include fish carcass for effect. (Even if you have to buy a fish from Whole Foods on the way over).

DEAR VALENTINE: I’M ON YOUR FIRE ESCAPE!

DEAR VALENTINE: I’M ON YOUR FIRE ESCAPE!


DO YOU SEE ME IN THE WINDOW?

DO YOU SEE ME IN THE WINDOW?


COMING IN!

COMING IN!


WELL HELLO THERE! AS YOU CAN SEE, I LET MYSELF IN.

WELL HELLO THERE! AS YOU CAN SEE, I LET MYSELF IN.


I’M GONNA HUG YOU TO DEATH!

I’M GONNA HUG YOU TO DEATH!


HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! LOVE, YOUR STALKER BEZ
photos by

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
LOVE, YOUR STALKER BEZ

photos by